Gifts for Jerry of the Day

Chris Jensen

Do you know Jerry?  Surely you’ve seen him on social media and most likely you’ve run into him in real life. Maybe you’ll see him this weekend in the lift line.

Jerry is officially defined as “ individual who exhibits a true lack of understanding for his or her sport, or for life in general.”

I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time watching Jerry's exploits on social media.  I even dressed up as him last year for Halloween, complete with roller blades and upside down goggles.  

In honor of all the entertaining moments Jerry has provided over the years, I thought it would be fun to put together a holiday gift guide just for him or her. 

We’ll kick it off with what Jerry needs the most ... a helmet! With the way Jerry operates, any old brain bucket is better than nothing, but we’re particularly fond of Nutcase and Melon helmets. The fun designs and multi-use aspect of these helmets will make sure Jerry is looking good and staying safe no matter the sport he doesn’t understand.

Need we say more?

But mind your gap Jerry ...

Next up let’s talk about cycling and looking good.  Jerry doesn’t know how to do this; President Obama doesn’t know how to do this; lots of us don’t know how to do this. That’s why Jeff Curran took matters into his own hands to create Elevenpine.

Elevenpine cycling clothing makes sure you aren’t “that guy.” You know the guy sporting “mammal toe” in line at the coffee shop?  It’s just unnecessary and nasty.  Now you, Jerry, and the Prez can keep all the on-the-bike performance you need without freaking everyone out when off the bike.

Now it’s time for tech talk.  Surely Jerry isn’t ready for technology if he doesn’t understand his sport?  Well, that’s where Gogglepal comes in.

Gogglepal easily integrates into your goggles and ads a heads up display to show and track key metrics like speed, total vert and calories burned.  It even allows you to connect with your friends and track them on the mountain.  

That will help Jerry avoid any unneccesary collisions with his boyz ...

I keep thinking, what we can do to help Jerry? I mean we all love to watch but sometimes it's just painful.  A helmet, for sure, better clothing, but what about something even more basic? What if we just kept Jerry hydrated? Maybe he wouldn’t get into so much trouble. After all “confusion” is one of the main symptoms of dehydration and we can all agree Jerry is confused.

This was in my mind when our friend Matt Hoskins from Mazama Designs sent us one of his new hydration packs to test out.  Matt has a medical engineering background and along with his co-inventor has one of the original patents on the now ubiquitous bite valve from way back in 2000! Matt has recently turned his attention back full time to hydration with Mazama – these packs might just be the ticket to helping Jerry feel less confused.

Somebody get Jerry some water so he can think about his choices ...

At least if Jerry had a hydration pack we wouldn’t see this ...

Lastly, can we all agree that Jerry needs life insurance?  According to the bureau of labor and statistics there are almost 400,000 life insurance agents working in the United States. If I was one of them, I’d be following Jerry of the Day for hot new leads.  I’m not sure Jerry survived all of these though.


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